By Barbara Hunter, Counsellor at Truest Reflections
During conversations with my clients about empowerment, the word “values” come up. What is so important about values?
Well, if I were to ask you what do you value in this life? Would you say family, friends, work, money, success? Or maybe you value such qualities as integrity, compassion, or even humor? So again, I ask you what is so important about values?
Values are your heart’s deepest desires for the sort of person you want to be and the ways you want to behave in your lifetime - in other words - what you want your life to stand for. Wow, that seems heavy doesn’t it? Thinking about that definition, what is it you value then? If I could ask you to pick 10 different values where the choices you make are completely yours, meaning no one else’s voice (including society’s expectations)… I wonder what would you choose.
I believe our chosen values often come up as our expectations. The expectations of our spouse or partner, from our parents, our children, our jobs etc. What would you put in that list of values if it was your voice alone? Would you choose something that maybe you would quietly admit to, and if so, why so quietly? Would you choose something bold? What does your voice sound like when you are choosing values?
So many questions, right? I find my clients are unsure of their values when they first visit me in session. We talk about needs versus wants, what needs are not being met, how behaviours have evolved, and where we are today because of all of this. When we visit the place of unmet needs and unhealthy behaviors, there almost always a conflict of what we want versus what others want of us. So many of us wear the hat of people pleaser, rescuer, or saviour, and we often forget that we are allowed to follow our own voice. Let me say that again, we are allowed to follow our own voice.
If you were to listen and follow your own voice, give yourself permission to boldly go where you want to go and follow the values you hold close and dear. Would you say that living in the service of these values would be a life well lived? What price would you be willing to pay if you knew that you could live a life in which you could really live out those values, where being that person was possible? What if that price was being willing to have unpleasant thoughts, feelings, and sensations? What would you be willing to think or feel if having those thoughts or feelings meant you could really live a life that was consistent with those values?
I wonder, up until now, what have you been valuing in your life? I know, for me, it isn’t always easy living by my values. Sometimes I want to submit, surrender, or give up because it can be difficult to stay true. However, I know it is in my best interest. Again, it’s not easy. I must choose. I must absolutely have my stake in the ground about what I want my life to stand for.
Thinking about your values, what do you think you need in order to not dismiss what you want? Are you aligned with your values? If not, what would it take?
On Oct. 22 and 23rd, a fully-funded Empowerment Workshop will be geared towards getting to know yourself better. Values is one of the topics we will cover. For more information, please feel free to message me at truestreflections@gmail.com. For more information on programs and workshops, visit www.truestreflections.com.
READ MORE: Truest Reflections: Awareness is Key