By Barbara Hunter, Counsellor at Truest Reflections
In my last article, I talked about trusting ourselves. Trusting ourselves is the first step in identifying how we want to be treated, where we want to go and how we want to go there. Have you ever had an “aha” moment where something happened and you thought to yourself, “Holy crap, that really happened”. It brought you to an understanding of something. You finally got it.
If you’ve ever had that feeling, that would be awareness.
“Awareness is the greatest agent for change.” – Eckhart Tolle.
I have a great friend named Lisa. We were having a conversation many years ago about a personal development workshop she had attended. She was talking about how it really created opportunities of awareness about how she stood up in her life. I was listening and nodding to what she was saying, thinking that was great for her. She then turned to me and said I should attend this workshop. Without a thought or a second to pass, I said, “Why do I need that kind of workshop?” It wasn’t until a year later, after attending this workshop, I had the “aha” moment that I was very defensive. When someone would suggest something to me, my first reaction would be “Why do I need that? I’m good enough the way I am.”
We all possess what is called the amygdala. It is one of two clusters of nuclei in the brain’s temporal lobes. One of the main important functions of the amygdala involves emotional responses. The central nuclei regulate the fear response and controls the release of certain hormones. Therefore, the amygdala is responsible for fear conditioning. What does this mean? It means that the amygdala is responsible for the actual perception of emotions that can include fear. It helps to store memories of events and emotions so that one can identify similar events in the future. The amygdala provides protection strategies including fight, flight or freeze.
What I came to realize is that this defense mechanism was a way to justify my insecurities and never challenge my own beliefs. I would think people are trying to put me down, or they think they are better than me at something, and on and on. What I wasn’t really understanding is that my belief was that I was being judged and criticized, so I needed to show them they were wrong. The thought never entered my mind that perhaps, a good friend was simply making a suggestion and I needed to be curious about it.
My poor friend Lisa, whom I put through a few defensive duels and conversations, created an opportunity for me to identify that when I feel attacked by something or someone, I don’t need to react with defensiveness. Instead, I need to be aware of what thoughts I’m telling myself and to really question them. Through awareness, I was able to make the change I needed to the thoughts I kept having. Having awareness about what was happening was the key to a new pathway.
Are you struggling with the thoughts you keep telling yourself? Does that stop you from really stepping up in your life? Let’s connect for a complimentary session and see if I can show you how to be curious by creating self-awareness. Email me at truestreflections@gmail.com.
READ MORE: Truest Reflections: Trust Me