By Barbara Hunter, Truest Reflections Counseling Services
The word “counselling” hasn’t always meant something to me, other than something I attended after my divorce. Previously, my life had been driven by self doubt, being an introvert, avoiding doing things, and self sabotage. But it worked for me. I was defensive about the way I lived my life, always in the extremes of “never” or “always”. It worked for me, until one day it didn’t.
Reflecting back to how I behaved, how I communicated, and how I treated others (or even myself) was undeniably bad. I didn’t know what I didn’t know. I didn’t pursue knowledge or change as this was the way life was supposed to be… wasn’t it? I felt like I had been fighting the truest part of myself.
After grieving my marriage, I went to counselling. That helped to justify and validate my feelings. But I still wasn’t whole. My friends talked about attending this workshop where they were enlightened and became aware. Pfft… aware? Aware of what? I was quite skeptical, but what the heck, let’s put my toes in the water. I put my toes in the water, then my foot, then my legs, then my whole body was immersed in personal development, experiencing enlightenment, pursuing my truth, creating my change. I had finally given the gift of “finding myself”.
There always was a joke in the family, finding yourself meant looking to be anywhere but where you were. And the question then was… why would you want to be anywhere but here? But I wanted to really find where my feet were. So much became clear. I found my heart. I found what makes my heart beat. I also found the drum to which I walked my own way to. Reflecting forward to today… it’s crazy to believe that I wasn’t the same person I was 11 years ago, five years ago, or even five months ago. So much can change. And when we embrace change - all the good, bad and ugly - we get the chance and have the power to make it what we want. I get to follow my own directions and learn and grow in the way I need to.
If I hadn’t made all those turns and had those breakdowns, I may not have had those breakthroughs. There definitely is something to the phrase “a work in progress”. I don’t think I want to be anything more or less than that. Often, we want to fast forward, and quickly get to the next turn, the next battle, or the next vacation. But I wonder if we really are curious about seeing what the journey looks like, what might we miss if we were to fast forward?