By Barbara Hunter, Counsellor at Truest Reflections
Hannah Kent once said, “How frightened we are of being known, and yet how desperately we long for it.”
I’ve noticed lately there has been a longing, a need to be seen. A want to be acknowledged if only with a “Hello, how are you?”. And yet with this longing, there is a fear of putting ourselves out there. Can one be seen if not really visible?
I find this reflection incredibly interesting as it is something even I strive for. I don’t want to have to put myself entirely into the face of someone else for fear of being too much, being judged, or being considered an imbalanced soul. Instead I hold back, merely smile, but then feed into my insecurity of not being enough when the “expected” response is not given.
We hear this often - be vulnerable, open up, take a chance and just show up. Brene Brown has been a voice of vulnerability for the last few years now, expressing that “Vulnerability is not winning or losing; it’s having the courage to show up and be seen when we have no control over the outcome. Vulnerability is not weakness; it’s our greatest measure of courage.” Yet here we are, still pumping our fists in the air, I want to be seen, please acknowledge me, but only as I give you a small part of me to see.
We truly hold so much fear about being ourselves by holding back and walking on eggshells so we don’t have to encounter rejection or any kind. When a client was given a few options on how to handle a situation, the first line of defense was they would rather walk on eggshells than be vulnerable and talk about how they felt. They would rather work on their own then go into confrontation of any kind in order to gain some resolution to the situation. When I asked why they chose this, they said from been so unrecognized in their early years, they didn’t have the tools or the know-how to be their authentic selves. Anytime they had shown themselves in vulnerability, in pain, or in need of nurturing, they had been dismissed, rejected, or judged and told what they were doing was wrong.
How many of us can resonate with this type of explanation? How many times have we been vulnerable only to be sent on our way and told what we are feeling is craziness, and to get a grip, get it together? No wonder we have a real need to be seen and understood, but just can’t seem to bring ourselves into plain sight. What would that kind of exposure take? What would it take for us to put our hand up and say, “Hey I’m here, I’m actually hurting, I’m actually needing you to listen, I actually matter?”
What kind of tools would you need? And would you be willing to learn a new way of putting yourself into the light in order to really be your authentic self?
If you feel that is what you need, let’s talk. I’m here to help you feel seen and heard.
Truest Reflections Counselling provides services to the Kootenays and is covered by some insurance companies. We offer free consultations to help you decide if we are a fit for you. Show strength, see help today. For more, visit www.truestreflections.com.
READ MORE: Truest Reflections: Show Strength by Seeking Help