Rosey (not her real name) came to the Therapeutic Activity Program for Seniors (TAPS) unable to make a decision herself, shy and withdrawn, unable to know what joy felt like, or what it was to feel loved and respected. She had been in a highly abusive relationship for 56 years, locked in her own home surrounded by a tall fence and spiked gate and guarded by a German shepherd trained to be ferocious. She had one pair of shoes and her clothes were in rags while her husband dressed in warm new clothes.
When it was recognized that she had severe hypothyroidism and her health was rapidly going downhill, her daughter managed to get her to a doctor. However, her husband refused to allow the prescription renewal. It was not until after her husband died, when she was 85 that Rosey’s life began to change. It took a while to overcome the anger and paranoia built up over that long and soul-destroying marriage. To her great credit, Rosey has now completely changed her view of life.
She lived with her daughter for a while and then moved into her own apartment. Realizing she could buy what she wanted to eat and wear was a novelty. Then came her introduction to TAPS. At first, she was too afraid to be with all those people. She had had no friends and no social interaction, except under great duress. She didn’t know what to talk about, how to interact. Through her bright mind and observation, the caring and support of TAPS staff and members, a new Rosey began to bud.
Today Rosey can’t imagine life without TAPS. She enjoys choosing her own clothes and looking attractive. She has made friends and is always happy to help someone at TAPS. Her warm smile reveals that she is happy and has blossomed into her true self. At 91, she has also discovered the joys of dancing and is a member of the TAPS choir. She recently admitted that she feels she is beginning to enjoy life. On a recent outing in a TAPS bus, she blew kisses to everyone as they climbed on board.
TAPS staff and volunteers have created a centre for nurturing and healing, as well as socializing and providing nutritious meals and activities. Everyone who comes to TAPS, whatever their background, is enfolded into a loving, caring “family”, and shown dignity and respect, the recipe for healing and transformation.
Another example of transformation through TAPS involves a gentleman who was non-verbal following a stroke. We will call him Tony, and he was always beaming, even though he had to be helped in many ways. He expressed his appreciation with that wonderful smile and kind eyes. The gentle and caring way everyone is treated at TAPS, helped him retain his dignity and pride.
He gradually became more confident and able to look after himself. It was obvious that he understood well, and in subtle ways would express his opinion. One day, Jill Fehr asked him to dance, and so began another successful venture for him. After a while, he walked over to Jill and asked her with his smiling invitation, to dance with him.
When we feel loved and accepted unconditionally, we feel safe enough to extend our boundaries, act differently without fear of rejection, one of our biggest fears. To see the transformation in seniors, some as old as 90, it becomes clear that no matter how old or how badly we are emotionally, psychologically or physically wounded, a safe and loving environment can help us heal reveal more of our true selves. It is never too late to find out who we really are.
Christine Munkerud is a volunteer with the Therapeutic Activation Program for Seniors.