If we really enter this moment and are truly here in our lives we can be fully present with our experiences. But usually, we are not. If we look deeply into our own minds, it’s shocking to realize that there is a constant undercurrent of desire and dissatisfaction. It’s as if we are always searching for something. Identity and ego are a constant feature of our thinking. If we look past ideas about who we are and part the weeds of every thought to see what is behind each one, we find an expression of desire and self-interest. It’s an ongoing thing that is always present. “I want to be kind; I want to be loved; I want to be justified; I want to be important: I want to be alive; I need this; I don’t want that.” All these things are constant in our minds, even when we don’t know they are there. Thoughts about self are, in fact, behind everything.
This means that as long as self-centred thoughts occupy any aspect of our consciousness, we are not fully present. The underlying stream of desire causes us to see mountains and rivers in a two-dimensional way. And this underlying stream goes on all the time, even when we practice diligently. Self-centred concerns never go away completely. We need them to survive. But when we see through them, and know them for what they are, we can be fully present, here, in this moment. And when we are fully present, everything that manifests is the Buddha’s expression of profound truth. As Eihei Dogen says in his essay, “Mountains and Rivers Sutra”, “Mountains and waters right now are the actualization of the buddhas and ancestors.”
The phrase, “right now” is actually the most significant phrase in this sentence. It has to do with the fact that this moment is not an isolated moment of time that passes away. It does pass away, but the energy that brings it forth has brought the previous moment forth and will bring the next moment forth. This energy is the energy of impermanence. It has always existed, it exists now and it will always exist. Dogen is saying that every moment of passing time is, in itself, eternal. Eternity is not something that happens later. This moment is it.
And that’s wonderful, because it means that you don’t need to go anywhere. Most of us like the idea of a bucket list. I always wanted to do this; I have to do that before I die or my life won’t be complete. But according to this teaching, even if you never left your room you would be everywhere, and you would be able to participate fully with everything, because every moment is complete. That is the profound truth of this teaching.
Suggested practice: If you have a bucket list of things you are hoping to do before you die, notice how often it seduces you away from present moment awareness.
Kuya Minogue is the resident teacher at Sakura-ji, Creston’s zendo. This column is part of a long essay on an essay by 13th century Zen master Eihei Dogen and is inspired by the teaching of Norman Fischer.